Our Story: All Things Are Beautiful In Its Time

ALL THINGS ARE BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME

It is a great privilege to testify God’s love in our lives. I am here to share our story with you, and I hope our story will encourage you and to show you that miracle still happens.

[SO IT BEGINS]

As many of you know, Will and I have been married for seven years going on eight. Almost immediately after we got married, people began asking us when we would have children. Since we both love children very much, we also wanted to start a family right away.

During that time, besides weddings, one event that we attended the most was baby showers; it seemed like we were surrounded by babies and pregnant friends. And for my personal record, I’ve been in the delivery room five times watching babies being born: Three times for my older sister Janice, one time for my younger sister Ruth, and even one time for one of my close friends whose husband was in Taiwan and couldn’t make it in time for the delivery. Watching babies being born is a very exciting and joyful experience, there is nothing like it.

Just like any other married couples, Will and I thought starting a family and raising children would just happen naturally. However, it wasn’t that simple. Two years went by and we tried and tried and nothing was happening. We started to worry and wondered if something was wrong. Meanwhile, most of our friends were all starting to have kids and we began to feel distant around people with children because all the gatherings and conversations were no longer about life and fun, but they all revolved around children and parenting. That was the time when I started to get sensitive when people asked us about having kids. I would smile and try to avoid the question.

[DOCTORS, MORE DOCTORS]

So in 2010, two years after we got married, we had our very first doctor visit to an infertility specialist. Generally speaking, infertility is the inability to conceive or get pregnant after one year of trying. Growing up, I never really liked doctors, or I should say I never liked being the patient so going to doctors took a lot of courage. At first, the doctor was very encouraging and we thought we would be pregnant within a few months. Little did we know, that was only the beginning. From that moment forward we experienced countless doctor visits, check-ups, tests, tubes of blood drawn, needles poked, and medication. That was only the physical part; the emotional drain of tears, fears, helplessness, and hopelessness was even more painful.

I remembered sitting in front of one of the doctors when he told us that I would not be able to get pregnant naturally. He explained to us that each month normal female body would release one egg and it takes one healthy sperm to be at the right place at the right time to get pregnant. Since one of my two tubes was blocked and my ovulation was irregular, the chance for the egg and sperm to meet was greatly reduced. Despite the setback, we continued to see different doctors that people recommended to us. We have tried both western infertility specialists and Chinese doctors with herbs and acupuncture treatments. We have seen doctors in Taiwan as well as here in the States. Besides recommending doctors to us, some other friends also suggested adoption as a possibility.

[THOUGHTS TO GIVE UP]

More years went by and nothing seemed to work. People were still asking when we were going to have kids. I was tired of going to doctors. What was left was disappointments and despair. There was a time in my life that I began to wonder if we would ever experience parenthood. I started doubting God and that was the moment I opened the door for Satan to attack. All the negative thoughts and lies started flooding into my life. The arrows of lies and condemnation started shooting at me. I became so bitter, so discouraged, so depressed and so hopeless.

I started to think that I was not good enough for God to love me, that I didn't serve Him enough and I didn't deserve His blessings. I thought God was punishing me. I fell into a bottomless pit full of darkness. I distanced myself from God thinking He was not helping me. I stopped praying and stopped reading His Word. I got frustrated and tried to pick fights with Will thinking I don't deserve him either because I wasn't able to bear a child.

I felt guilty and blamed everything on myself. Just like the barren women in the Bible, Sarah and Rachael, they pushed their husbands to the maidservants. I wanted to do the same except we didn’t have any maid. I remember saying the most foolish thing to Will. I told him to go find another woman who could be a better wife and could bear children. The thought of ending the marriage because of not having children actually came across my mind many times.

[TIME WITHOUT GOD]

PSALM 9:10

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;

For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

PSALM 69:32

The humble shall see this and be glad;

And you who seek God, your hearts shall live.

Indeed, that period of time without the presence of God was horrible. For the first time I experienced that apart from Him I could do nothing. I had no joy in me at all. I felt my life was empty and my heart was dead. But Praise the Lord! He is a God full of mercy and grace, always there waiting for us to go back to Him. I cried out to Him and started writing prayers to Him in my journal. I humbled myself before God, confessing my sins and weaknesses, asking Him to transform my life, to change the situation, to change my heart, to heal my soul and body, to change my attitudes, and to proclaim His goodness and promises in my life. It was a total surrender before God, giving authority back to him and putting my life once again in His hands.

[TEARS & PAINS]

PSALM 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

PSALM 56:8

You number my wanderings;

Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?

I don’t know how many times I cried and how much tears I shed during the past five years. Every time when the pregnancy test came back negative or the phone calls from the doctor’s office saying the treatment was unsuccessful. Despite the circumstances, I believed God knew my every thought and He knew my heart. He put my tears in His bottle and He was there during the times of sorrow. I felt that God even read every single word I wrote in my journal. Miraculously God had healed my broken heart and my life and my attitude started to change even though the problem of infertility still remained.

[THE BATTLE CONTINUES]

With the renewed faith, we continued to see doctors and did everything we could and left the rest to the Lord. Honestly, this journey has been very difficult but somehow God gave the two of us enough strength to carry on. He gave us the assurance to know that everything is in His hands.

I remembered there was a period of time when we went through a more intensive treatment where we had to inject shots on my belly everyday at home. Neither of us had ever used a syringe before and it was the scariest thing in the world. Since I was the one receiving the shot, by default Will became the one who had to give the shot. Every night when 9 o’clock came around, we would turn on worship music and pray together because that was the time to give the shot. We were so scared that we did not know what to do except to turn to God. There was a tremendous pressure because each shot we injected represented our hope to have a baby. Looking back, I really don’t know how we got through it, it was not a pleasant time but God gave us strength, courage, and comfort.

[BEING OPEN AND RECEIVE SUPPORT]

Two summers ago, we had a church camping trip and one night at the bonfire we shared this very painful struggle with the people who were there. Since then Will had also shared this matter in a couple of his sermons. Both Will and I believe in living an open-book life style. We trust our church family just as much as we trust our earthly family. We know many people have been praying for us for years along with our families and friends. Last Mother’s Day towards the end of the combined service, caught us by surprise, Pastor Charley invited us to the front and the entire church prayed for us. It was a very memorable moment for us because we experienced the love of God through everyone. Although at that time we did not know how God was going to lead us forward, we were greatly comforted.

[JOURNAL ENTRY]

Like I had mentioned earlier, I have a habit of writing journals and I remember on December 12, 2014, for some reason God really touched my heart on this matter of having children, so I prayed to the Lord and I wrote:

“Today I asked God to open my womb and grant us babies. I believe His perfect plan in my life. I trust in His timing. He is the giver of life. My Creator, my Healer.”

[TURNING MOURNING INTO JOY]

The Bible says God turns mourning into joy. Sometimes we might feel that miracles only exist in the Bible and therefore we have little faith in God to do great things in our lives. If I only look at this particular moment in life, what I shared earlier, all the pains and sufferings, it looks like there’s not much hope, but this is not the end of our story because the God we believe in is a God who heals and saves. God has His master plan and His purpose in every one of us before we even came to existence. There are many seasons in our lives, unless we go through all of them, we might not know what His purpose is. Today we are here to testify that God is in the midst of us and that He is still performing miracles today! 

On April 1^st of this year, I found out I was pregnant. Because I had been charting daily temperatures to track ovulation so I knew that was the day that I should try a pregnancy test. It was evening and just like before, I did a pregnancy test in the bathroom and waited for the result to come out. When I saw two lines showing on the pregnancy test, I was shocked because that means the result is positive. I called Will into the bathroom and there was a moment of silence because we were both speechless. Can this be true? Is this really happening? Am I really pregnant? All these years of negative results, and now suddenly a positive result. It is like we have just witnessed a miracle on April fool’s day. It was unbelievable, unexpected. My heart was pounding really hard at that moment and I must have tested several other times just to double check and triple check until we saw a doctor the next day and she told us indeed I was pregnant.

To many people, having children seems very simple and there is not much to it. But to us we had gone through a season of challenges. Even though we were seeing a Chinese doctor at that time, we clearly know this is a miracle because it is a natural pregnancy without the help of medical infertility technology. All the treatments we had, all the shots, all the medicines, all the diagnosis, none of them resulted in pregnancy. And just when we were least expected, God decided the time has come. 

[PRAISES & GLORY TO GOD]

I thank God for His perfect timing and this precious gift of life. If you were to ask me, “Why did God make you wait seven years?” Honestly I have no answer for you. One thing I do know is that through the trials we went through, we got to experience the unspeakable great joy of an answered prayer. Because of the season that we went through, we now get to testify of God’s faithfulness and His healing power. God is so real to us. Trials are not evidence of God’s absence, but of His presence.

Through this experience, our relationship as a married couple is stronger than ever. We are so in love because we know if we have gone through this together, we will always be there for each other, no matter what challenges we face in the future. As to my spiritual walk, I can also testify that my personal relationship with God has grown so much closer. I know that without Him, I can't do anything.

So when is the most beautiful time? I think the most beautiful time in life is when you feel the presence of God and see the work of His hands no matter what season you might be in.

JEREMIAH 17:7-8

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

    whose trust is the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

    that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

    for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

I give thanks, honor, and glory to our heavenly Father. I thank Him for this journey, a journey of faith, a journey of healing, a journey of hope. I pray that our story will draw you closer to God and encourage you to put your trust and hope in the Lord. He makes everything beautiful in His time!