It is a great
privilege to testify God’s love in our lives. I am here to share our story with
you, and I hope our story will encourage you and to show you that miracle still
[SO IT BEGINS]
As many of
you know, Will and I have been married for seven years going on eight. Almost
immediately after we got married, people began asking us when we would have children.
Since we both love children very much, we also wanted to start a family right
time, besides weddings, one event that we attended the most was baby showers;
it seemed like we were surrounded by babies and pregnant friends. And for my
personal record, I’ve been in the delivery room five times watching babies
being born: Three times for my older sister Janice, one time for my younger
sister Ruth, and even one time for one of my close friends whose husband was in Taiwan and couldn’t make it in time for the delivery. Watching babies being born is a very
exciting and joyful experience, there is nothing like it.
Just like any
other married couples, Will and I thought starting a family and raising
children would just happen naturally. However, it wasn’t that simple. Two years
went by and we tried and tried and nothing was happening. We started to worry
and wondered if something was wrong. Meanwhile, most of our friends were all starting
to have kids and we began to feel distant around people with children because
all the gatherings and conversations were no longer about life and
fun, but they all revolved around children and parenting. That was the time
when I started to get sensitive when people asked us about having kids. I would
smile and try to avoid the question.
[DOCTORS, MORE DOCTORS]
So in 2010,
two years after we got married, we had our very first doctor visit to an
infertility specialist. Generally speaking, infertility is the inability to
conceive or get pregnant after one year of trying. Growing up, I never really
liked doctors, or I should say I never liked being the patient so going to
doctors took a lot of courage. At first, the doctor was very encouraging and we
thought we would be pregnant within a few months. Little did we know, that was
only the beginning. From that moment forward we experienced countless doctor
visits, check-ups, tests, tubes of blood drawn, needles poked, and medication.
That was only the physical part; the emotional drain of tears, fears,
helplessness, and hopelessness was even more painful.
sitting in front of one of the doctors when he told us that I would not be able
to get pregnant naturally. He explained to us that each month normal female
body would release one egg and it takes one healthy sperm to be at the right
place at the right time to get pregnant. Since one of my two tubes was blocked
and my ovulation was irregular, the chance for the egg and sperm to meet was
greatly reduced. Despite the setback, we continued to see different doctors
that people recommended to us. We have tried both western infertility specialists
and Chinese doctors with herbs and acupuncture treatments. We have seen doctors
in Taiwan as well as here in the States. Besides recommending doctors to us,
some other friends also suggested adoption as a possibility.
[THOUGHTS TO GIVE UP]
went by and nothing seemed to work. People were still asking when we were going
to have kids. I was tired of going to doctors. What was left was
disappointments and despair. There was a time in my life that I began to wonder
if we would ever experience parenthood. I started doubting God and that was the
moment I opened the door for Satan to attack. All the negative thoughts and
lies started flooding into my life. The arrows of lies and condemnation started
shooting at me. I became so bitter, so discouraged, so depressed and so hopeless.
I started to
think that I was not good enough for God to love me, that I didn't serve Him
enough and I didn't deserve His blessings. I thought God was punishing me. I
fell into a bottomless pit full of darkness. I distanced myself from God
thinking He was not helping me. I stopped praying and stopped reading His Word.
I got frustrated and tried to pick fights with Will thinking I don't deserve
him either because I wasn't able to bear a child.
I felt guilty
and blamed everything on myself. Just like the barren women in the Bible, Sarah
and Rachael, they pushed their husbands to the maidservants. I wanted to do the
same except we didn’t have any maid. I remember saying the most foolish thing
to Will. I told him to go find another woman who could be a better wife and could
bear children. The thought of ending the marriage because of not having
children actually came across my mind many times.
those who know Your name will put their trust in You;
Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.
humble shall see this and be glad;
who seek God, your hearts shall live.
period of time without the presence of God was horrible. For the first time I
experienced that apart from Him I could do nothing. I had no joy in me at all.
I felt my life was empty and my heart was dead. But Praise the Lord! He is a
God full of mercy and grace, always there waiting for us to go back to Him. I cried
out to Him and started writing prayers to Him in my journal. I humbled myself
before God, confessing my sins and weaknesses, asking Him to transform my life,
to change the situation, to change my heart, to heal my soul and body, to
change my attitudes, and to proclaim His goodness and promises in my life. It
was a total surrender before God, giving authority back to him and putting my
life once again in His hands.
[TEARS & PAINS]
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?
I don’t know how many times I cried and how much tears I shed during the past five years. Every time when the pregnancy test came back negative or the phone calls from the doctor’s office saying the treatment was unsuccessful. Despite the circumstances, I believed God knew my every thought and He knew my heart. He put my tears in His bottle and He was there during the times of sorrow. I felt that God even read every single word I wrote in my journal. Miraculously God had healed my broken heart and my life and my attitude started to change even though the problem of infertility still remained.
[THE BATTLE CONTINUES]
renewed faith, we continued to see doctors and did everything we could and left
the rest to the Lord. Honestly, this journey has been very difficult but somehow
God gave the two of us enough strength to carry on. He gave us the assurance to
know that everything is in His hands.
there was a period of time when we went through a more intensive treatment where
we had to inject shots on my belly everyday at home. Neither of us had ever
used a syringe before and it was the scariest thing in the world. Since I was
the one receiving the shot, by default Will became the one who had to give the
shot. Every night when 9 o’clock came around, we would turn on worship music
and pray together because that was the time to give the shot. We were so scared
that we did not know what to do except to turn to God. There was a tremendous
pressure because each shot we injected represented our hope to have a baby.
Looking back, I really don’t know how we got through it, it was not a pleasant
time but God gave us strength, courage, and comfort.
[BEING OPEN AND RECEIVE SUPPORT]
ago, we had a church camping trip and one night at the bonfire we shared this
very painful struggle with the people who were there. Since then Will had also
shared this matter in a couple of his sermons. Both Will and I believe in
living an open-book life style. We trust our church family just as much as we
trust our earthly family. We know many people have been praying for us for
years along with our families and friends. Last Mother’s Day towards the end of
the combined service, caught us by surprise, Pastor Charley invited us to the
front and the entire church prayed for us. It was a very memorable moment for
us because we experienced the love of God through everyone. Although at that
time we did not know how God was going to lead us forward, we were greatly
Like I had
mentioned earlier, I have a habit of writing journals and I remember on
December 12, 2014, for some reason God really touched my heart on this matter
of having children, so I prayed to the Lord and I wrote:
asked God to open my womb and grant us babies. I believe His perfect plan in my
life. I trust in His timing. He is the giver of life. My Creator, my Healer.”
[TURNING MOURNING INTO JOY]
says God turns mourning into joy. Sometimes we might feel that miracles only
exist in the Bible and therefore we have little faith in God to do great things
in our lives. If I only look at this particular moment in life, what I
shared earlier, all the pains and sufferings, it looks like there’s not much
hope, but this is not the end of our story because the God we believe in is a
God who heals and saves. God has His master plan and His purpose in every one
of us before we even came to existence. There are many seasons in our lives,
unless we go through all of them, we might not know what His purpose is. Today
we are here to testify that God is in the midst of us and that He is still
performing miracles today!
On April 1st
of this year, I found out I was pregnant. Because I had been charting daily
temperatures to track ovulation so I knew that was the day that I should try a
pregnancy test. It was evening and just like before, I did a pregnancy test in
the bathroom and waited for the result to come out. When I saw two lines
showing on the pregnancy test, I was shocked because that means the result is
positive. I called Will into the bathroom and there was a moment of silence
because we were both speechless. Can this be true? Is this really happening? Am
I really pregnant? All these years of negative results, and now suddenly a
positive result. It is like we have just witnessed a miracle on April fool’s
day. It was unbelievable, unexpected. My heart was pounding really hard at that
moment and I must have tested several other times just to double check and
triple check until we saw a doctor the next day and she told us indeed I was
people, having children seems very simple and there is not much to it. But to
us we had gone through a season of challenges. Even though we were seeing a Chinese doctor at that time, we clearly know this is a
miracle because it is a natural pregnancy without the help of medical
infertility technology. All the treatments we had, all the shots, all the
medicines, all the diagnosis, none of them resulted in pregnancy. And just when
we were least expected, God decided the time has come.
[PRAISES & GLORY TO GOD]
I thank God
for His perfect timing and this precious gift of life. If you were to ask me, “Why
did God make you wait seven years?” Honestly I have no answer for you. One
thing I do know is that through the trials we went through, we got to experience
the unspeakable great joy of an answered prayer. Because of the season that we
went through, we now get to testify of God’s faithfulness and His healing
power. God is so real to us. Trials are not evidence of God’s absence, but of
experience, our relationship as a married couple is stronger than ever. We are
so in love because we know if we have gone through this together, we will always
be there for each other, no matter what challenges we face in the future. As to
my spiritual walk, I can also testify that my personal relationship with God
has grown so much closer. I know that without Him, I can't do anything.
So when is
the most beautiful time? I think the most beautiful time in life is when you
feel the presence of God and see the work of His hands no matter what season
you might be in.
is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like
a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
thanks, honor, and glory to our heavenly Father. I thank Him for this journey,
a journey of faith, a journey of healing, a journey of hope. I pray that our
story will draw you closer to God and encourage you to put your trust and hope
in the Lord. He makes everything beautiful in His time!
Today was the 10th prenatal check-up. Have to come to the doctor on a weekly basis toward the last few weeks of my pregnancy. There was a nurse trainee who did my weight measurement, urine test, and blood pressure today. Baby's heartbeat was faster today. He was probably very excited, heartbeat was about 150 per minute. Of course, just like last time, the doctor needed to examine my cervix. I was extremely nervous but well prepared, no matter how painful or uncomfortable, I would be brave and let the doctor complete the examination... Doctor said the cervix was open about 1 cm and still toward the back. Even though the baby's head is down but I need to walk and let the gravity to help the baby come down more so the bones and muscles will be ready for labor later on. The doctor said it was normal for me to feel pain on my pelvic area when I walk. Although it's painful, I still need to walk, in a slow pace. 今天是第10次的產檢，接近後期都是每個禮拜要來醫生這裡檢查。這次是由實習的護士幫我量體重、驗尿跟量血壓。Baby今天的心跳比較快，應該是很開心，所以心跳是每分鐘150左右。這次當然跟上次ㄧ樣，需要內診看子宮頸。這次還是很緊張但是有心理準備，不管多痛或多不舒服都要勇敢的讓醫生檢查完....。醫生說子宮頸只有開一公分左右，而且位置還很後面，雖然Baby的頭在下面，應該走一些路，地心引力會幫助Baby往下，骨頭跟肌肉能放鬆打開。之前骨盤那邊走路好痛醫生說是正常的，雖然痛，但是還是得慢慢地走。
Throughout the entire pregnancy, it is filled with amazement. Fascinated by the amazing creation of God, a new life is growing inside the mother's womb day by day. In front of this wall in our living room, with the same pose, hubby took pictures of me and recorded this amazing change during the pregnancy!
Today is week 39 of my pregnancy, which is the the last week! Next Saturday, 12/5, is my due date! The week of thanksgiving has come to an end, praise the Lord for allowing me to celebrate thanksgiving with many days of feasts~ My heart is full of thanksgiving, overflowing thanksgivings~ Because truly there are so many things I'm thankful for! Today after getting up from my bed, I felt a lot of pain when I walk, I guess my pelvic area has too much pressure. I can barely walk... I can walk very slowly by very small steps. The website says this week the baby is as big as the watermelon, that's so true! Now entering into the "waiting" mode, well, we've been expecting all along... Please keep us in your prayers, pray that God will give us peace and strength, to overcome my anxiety and fear. Pray for a smooth and safe labor and delivery~ 今天是孕期的第39週，也就是最後一週。下個禮拜六，12/5也就是我的預產期！ 感恩節的禮拜進入尾聲，感謝主讓我過了好多天超級豐盛的感恩節～ 我心裡面充滿了好多好多感恩～ 因為真的有太多可以感恩的事情了！ 不過今天起床後發現不知道是被壓迫到哪裏，走路的時候感覺好痛，只能慢慢一小步一小步的走，當然，肚子很大壓力也很大⋯ 網站上說這個禮拜baby像是西瓜那麼大，真的一點也沒錯～ 現在進入等待模式，其實一直都在等待啦～ 請大家為我們禱告，因為我比較容易緊張害怕，求神給我們平安、力量，讓整個生產過程都很順利平安～